Did you know that Memorial Day was originally intended to celebrate famous mustaches from the Civil War?  Well believe it.  Its on the internet, so its true.  As the legend goes, the holiday was started by Colonel “Sideburns” Burnsides, a Confederate general (they were a new army and had not yet sorted out how rank worked).  

As he cast his gaze upon a battlefield full of Union soldiers at the Battle of Spencer’s Hillock he turned to address his troops.  ”Gentlemen, we will surely die today.  About that there can be no doubt.  But our glorious mustaches and sideburns demand that we stay and fight.  These sepia photographs of us standing without expression will live on and Americans will celebrate our glorious mustaches once every year.  It will be called Mustache Memorial Day, and they will celebrate by doing what we in the south do best.  Nothing.  They shall grill meats, have parades, and it shall become fashionable to start wearing white.

Well at some point along the line it was changed to just “Memorial Day” and instead of honoring just those unfortunate, very dead Confederate soldiers, it was broadened to honor all those who have given their lives in the defense of our country.  It was also expanded to include soldiers without mustaches, about which we have no complaint. 

As silly as this endevour is, perhaps Mustaches for Kids is a microcosm for why this is the greatest country in the history of the world.  We have the freedom to grow mustaches to draw out the charity that already exists in our friends.  On the surface, that sounds insane.  But if you think about it, what other countries have the resources, creativity, and philanthropic drive to do such a thing?  Not many, and none as impressively as ours.  We have thousands of men and women to thank for that, including Mustache Karl who is growing AND serving in Iraq.  Stay safe brother, and thank you to you and all your mates.

Happy Memorial Day.

As most of you know, my dog (Apollo – see below)  has special powers.  Similar to Spiderman, he has an extra sense.  He can sense all things stache.  His knowledge of all things stache is beyond that of what we humans can comprehend.  Last year, he gave me direction and guidance during growing season, typically via scratching and licking himself.  Last year’s growers, “The Dirty Thirty,” know that his influence directly lead to our triumph over Iowa with over $20,000 raised.

Canada Strikes!!!!
Last night they teamed up with Subway to have my truck towed!!!  It had nothing to do with the sign that I parked by (which I really did not notice).  They are feeling our power and are trying to slow our roll.  Well Ice Hockey Freaks you have done pissed me off!!!  I am re-focusing my efforts, with a farely slow week last week this is just the motivation I needed to get back on track. $187 to get my truck back, listen Canada and Subway, the last thing you should have done was poke a bear.  First off Subway I am not a small man, I am a bit of an eater, you may have just cost yourself thousands as I am going to boycot subway!!!  And then you stain of Canada freaks,  with the money I save from not eating at Subway I am teaming up with McDonalds to have them put a little extra wang in your special sauce!!! 
 
Screw You Canada!!!!!!!
 
Thanks
Mustache Big Jay

My mustachioed brothers, you may have heard during Grower Orientation that the official mustache greeting is:

Greeting: “Nice Mustache”

Response: “You too brother”

Here is its origin.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HduK_I3lpek

Very Stachely Yours,

The Commodore

Looks like Hitler found out about M4K Omaha. 

http://www.m4komaha.com/index.php/media

There is still time to join us as a Grower for 2010. Just e-mail your contact information to stache@m4komaha.com and you will start getting important growing information.

We are currently recruiting growers for the 2010 season. E-mail stache@m4komaha.com to be added to the grower list. Also, check out the website for information about the upcoming informational meeting (April 21).

Stache Bash was an unqualified success.  Many beautiful mustaches, insanely original and hysterical costumes, misguided judges, and a perfect evening combined to make the First Annual Stache Bash a very difficult event to surpass next year.  But we shall. 

The evening started at the Royals game with a camper throwing out the first pitch and a check presentation after the second inning.  Then, for no good reason, two StacheBrothers squared off in a bungee tug-of-war after the sixth inning.  Mustache Kris beat Mustache Chris for the title.  More accurately, The Commodore beat Alice in Wonderland.  When we left, the Royals were winning.  When our Staches left, so did the mojo and the mighty Royals faltered.

The final total raised was over $20,000!  Money continues to trickle in, and we will publish the final amount in a week or so.  The donation link will be severed on Monday, June 14th.   Not bad for a group shooting for $2,000, but then again, it should never surprise us when the generosity of Omaha exceeds expectations. 

Congratulations to Mustache Jay who won biggest fundraiser (over $3,500!!), and Sweetest Stache.  The judges were clearly awarding the Sweetest Stache based on the merciless pandering to WOWT as Jay was a spot-on Jim Flowers with a green screen.  Anything to distract from the hodgepodge of whiskers fighting on his lip like rabid squirrels.

Mustache David, sporting Magnum, won Most Testosterone.  Mustache Kevin, in a downright creepy-good Lt. Dangle costume (from Reno 911) won Best Costume, and Mustache “Sleepy Doc” Dave won Nastiest Stache by taking a pathetic stache (The Mustache Formerly Known as Prince”) and dying it green.  We will update the website with some pictures of the shenanigans this weekend.

 The thank yous are too voluminous and will be a separate post.

Mark Spitz.  Rollie Fingers.  The list of famous athletes with mustaches is long and distinguished.  Well to that roster you may add Red Dawn, Mustache Kris’ volleyball team.  This group of bangers had plenty of talent, but heading into the National Indoor Championships in Minneapolis they lacked a bit of hutzpah.  And how did they find it in time to walk away victorious?  Thats right, they all grew mustaches.  This picture was taken last week, not in 1978.

Red Dawn

They even met a marvelous group of mustachioed individuals from New York called “Mustache Mafia.”  These men were gracious, wise, and, of course, sexy.  They are living the stachely life in New York and had to go all the way to Minnesota to get a break from the incessant phone calls and attention from the opposite sex.  Oh! what a mistake!  Minnesota has women who are even more smitten with a finely groomed milk mop.  In desparation to escape, several of the Mustache Mafia shaved the final night, and left Minnesota broken and alone.

Stay stachely my friends.

Yes, I assume most people are amazed and awed by my mustache.  Given.  It does not surprise me when I tell people of the charity that they, in a mustache-induced trance, simply open their wallets and give me money.  But some have been reluctant to let the thrill and excitement they feel in the presence of the stache fuel their desire to give to Camp CoHoLo, the Children’s Cancer Camp of Nebraska.  Well here are a few of the excuses that I have heard and/or perceive and compelling reasons why they are wrong.

1.  “I don’t like mustaches”  You are lying and cheap.  Everyone loves mustaches.  You may interpret your fear of the wonderful and that deep sensation in your loins as bad or even repugnant, but I assure you there is something wrong with you in your head.  Perhaps an issue with your father that is unresolved?  Seek counseling and give money.

2.  “I don’t like your mustache”  Screw you.  Besides, you don’t have to like my mustache to help these kids.  You want to send a message, donate money to another mustache.

3.  “In this economy, I don’t have any extra money”  Understood.  We’re not looking for your extra money, we’ll take some of your normal money.  How are you reading this on the internet?  Unless you are one of those creepy guys at the library who huddle over the computers you probably own one.  Sell it.  Buy a cheeseburger and give the rest to the glorious mustache mafia.   We’re not looking for $1,000, but don’t you want to give $10 to say you sponsored a mustache?  Makes a good story, and you’ll freak out your accountant when you deduct it and tell him why.

4.  “I live in Ohio”  We are sorry for your loss, but that is not an excuse.  Living in Ohio is an excuse for many things, but this isn’t one of them.  Even Ohioans can donate by clicking on the Donate Now link on the website homepage.  www.m4komaha.com.

5.   “I’ll just give at the Stache Bash”  It would be great if you could join us and donate at the Stache Bash this Thursday (June 4th) at 9:00 at Starsky’s, but there are two good reasons to give before then.  First, the mustache you are supporting will not get credit for it because we are calculating totals before the Stache Bash.  Your donation could be the one that bumps your Grower from the Burt Reynols level to the Robert Goulet level.  Second, you will have more control over your donation if you do it now.  If you wait until Stache Bash you will become intoxicated by the amount of testoster-awesomeness in the room.  In such close proximity to 31 beautiful nose neighbors, you may end up mortgaging your house.  Better be safe and just do it now.

6.  “I hate kids and/or love cancer”  Wow.  You know what, if this applies to you, you win.  Do not give any money to Camp CoHoLo.  However, this is the only valid reason.  Accordingly, if you do not give money to support Mustaches for Kids you fit one of these two categories.  You may not look at my mustache, and may God have mercy on your soul.

You stay stachey Omaha.